vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
