she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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