So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
