I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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