tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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