dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
