Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
