So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
