I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
