he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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