That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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