My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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