Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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