I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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