she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
