and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
