1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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