I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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