I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Randomize
