She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
