Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
