are you so shy because you have an std?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm determined to sit on that face.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
