opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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