I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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