My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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