I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
