can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
