As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
