that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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