there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
