ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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