if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
