We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
