Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
