I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
