now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
