I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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