I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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