who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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