I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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