watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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