his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
