I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
