Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
