I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
