I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
