He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
