the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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