She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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