I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
is it fun? or sober?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
