I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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