she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the liver wants what the liver wants
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
