I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
