never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
