i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
