You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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