The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
