So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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