Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
