My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
