when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
